


Reminisce

by murmeltearding



Series: Gotham weirdness [2]
Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack Relationships, Friendship, Gen, Harvey as a fatherfigure, Origins, Prequel, Sequel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-04-07 07:57:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19080790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/murmeltearding/pseuds/murmeltearding
Summary: This is a Prequel to my Story "The Detective and the Cleaner".I liked the relationship of my OC and Harvey so much, I decided to write them somewhat of a backstory.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Detective and the Cleaner, a modern day fairytale](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18531640) by [murmeltearding](https://archiveofourown.org/users/murmeltearding/pseuds/murmeltearding), [reallifewaitressmia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/reallifewaitressmia/pseuds/reallifewaitressmia). 



> It probably won't be very funny if you haven't read the main story so I highly recommend you read that first (and maybe leave kudos and/or comments too *wink wink*), but who am I to tell you what to do.

“Hey old man, what’cha thinking about?” Alex murmured, climbing on the bar stool next to Harvey.

He had his hand on a cool beer but looked glum, almost melancholic. “Nothing… just the good old times… I stumbled over an old casefile earlier, one of the last ones I worked with your father…”

Alex remained silent. Her father had died in the line of duty when she’d been young. She could barely even remember him, only from stories her family or Harvey had told her.

“I used to come to your house a lot back then, you know… it was an hour long drive in good weather, but…” he shrugged.

“Tell me about it!” Alex prompted.

“I remember that one time… you were about 2…

+++

_The Brooks family had invited for one of their famous Summer BBQs at their house and Harvey, as usual, was their guest of honor. Guest of honor meaning he was the only one not related to them by blood who was invited. He had gladly taken on the drive for the sake of Maren’s cooking; and of course, seeing his little girl._

_The Brooks house was always a bustle, and no wonder with 6 kids, 1 dog and 4 cats living there.  
John Jr. or JJ as he insisted to be called these days, came down the stairs and waved a disinterested hand at his fathers’ partner. He was the oldest of the bunch and utterly uninterested in any social interaction with old people as he’d started referring to anyone over the age of 20. He usually devoured a mountain of food in record time before running off to hang out with his friends. _

_Harvey stepped inside and took off his hat. He was in one of his perfectly fitting shirts, topmost buttons open, the sleeves casually rolled up to his elbows. His shaggy brown hair, full and without a single gray strand, was styled in a fashionable mullet. His body lithe and full of life…._

+++

Alex’s chuckle interrupted him. “Please stop talking about yourself like that!”

“Shush! Let me tell my story!”

+++

_His lithe body, full of life, didn’t even show the beginnings of a beer belly. He was a man in his prime._

_“Harvey! We’ve been waiting for you!” Maren, John’s wife, came to welcome him. She gave him a hasty hug before retreating to the kitchen again._

_“John’s outside, take this with you,” she said, pushing a huge bowl of her famous potato salad into his hand and a can of beer into his chest pocket._

_Harvey was at the house often enough to know his way around. He also knew not to distract Maren when she was cooking so he quickly went outside to join his partner._

_Martha and Jasper, number 4 and 5 of the Brooks kids were playing in the garden laughing and screaming in the spray of a lawn sprinkler, Cookie, the dog barking and jumping around with them as he tried to catch the jets of water. The weather was perfect, the summer sun shining down on them. One could almost forget the woes of Gotham city life out here. Harvey understood why John had chosen to move his family here._  
He set down the potato salad and opened his beer as he sat down in one of the lawn chairs in the shade of the big sun umbrella. The smell of sizzling meat made his mouth water.  
“That life you’re living, brother… I almost envy you…” Harvey admitted. 

_John laughed. “Glad to hear that, Harv. You know you’re always welcome.” He wore his stained ‘kiss the cook’ apron, so Harvey did just that, kissing the older man on top of his rapidly greying head in friendly greeting._

_Inside, Maren shouted for the children to come outside for dinner. The table was all set already and one by one the older kids came outside, carrying bowls with salad and baskets with rolls._  
Karen, the second oldest carried a pigtailed little Alex on one arm and a bottle of soda in the other. In the Brooks house, everyone had to do their part.  
Alex was gargling on about something in her unintelligible toddler language. A smile bright like the midwinter sun appeared on her face and she beamed with joy when she spotted Harvey. She whined and struggled in Karen’s arms and demanded very noisily to be let down.

+++

“Now don’t overdo it!” Alex interrupted him, smiling a toned down version of her children’s beam.

“I swear I’m not. Ask your mother. I bet she has a picture of that somewhere.”

+++

_“Stop… stop struggling!” Karen muttered, carefully setting her little sister on the ground. Ever the good child, she went back inside to help her mother carry out the last of the food._

_“Unci Har!” Alex craned, opening up her arms and racing towards him as fast as her stubby little legs could carry her._

_“She talks?!” Harvey exclaimed, looking at John and crouching down to catch his little girl._

_“Started last week and hasn’t stopped ever since,” John laughed, plating up the first of the burgers. “Guess what her first word was.”_

_“Come here, Chou!” Harvey exclaimed, reaching out to catch her lest she fall._

_She ran towards him, jumping the last short distance, fully trusting he’d catch her._

_“Did you miss me, little girl?” Harvey got to his feet and moved her so she could comfortably sit on his arm. “What did she say?”_

_As if she wanted to answer his question herself, Alex started babbling something neither of them could understand, her hands fumbling around in his hair and beard, kissing him on the cheek every so often._

_“She was trying to eat a piece of soap and when Maren took it from her, she said ‘smell good’.” John said to Harvey’s great amusement._

_Harvey laughed. “You’re a smart one, huh? All your siblings started talking much later,” he cooed at her._

_The playing Martha and Jasper were still very much occupied with their water games and only quieted down, when Dina, number 3 of the kids turned off the hose and took each of them by their hands. She was mature for her age, as one ought to be with so many little siblings to look after._

_Dinner was a noisy affair as usual. By the time everyone was settled, JJ had already finished and ran off, grabbing another burger to go straight from the BBQ.  
“Bye Uncle Harv!” he called before running off. _

_The other kids quickly finished too and each of them ran off to do their thing again, all but Alex. She had been sitting on Harvey’s knee all during dinner, refusing to let anyone but him feed her, scattering more food on his pants than she actually managed to get into her mouth and seeming awfully proud to do so.  
Harvey awkwardly ate around her, careful not to drop too much of his own food on top of her. _

_She tensed, when she felt a piece of meat land on top of her hair, reaching up with her chubby little arm. “Unci no!” she scolded when Harvey picked the meat from her hair._

_“Sorry, little one. Won’t happen again.” He noisily stuffed the dropped piece into his mouth._

_Alex roared with laughter._

_\---_

_“Don’t tell the others, but…. that one is my favorite.” Harvey admitted to John on his way out. Alex had fallen asleep on his lap soon after they’d finished eating and was still hanging against him limply._

_The two men carefully maneuvered the sleeping child between them, careful not to wake her._

_“I think you’re her favorite too. She’s asking me about her unci Harv almost every day,” John said, voice low._

+++

“Oh come on… did that really happen?” Alex murmured, grinning into her beer sheepishly.

“I remember it like it was yesterday.” Harvey said thoughtfully. “My little girl. Look how big you’ve gotten!” He reached over and tousled her hair.

“What! Stop that! Don’t touch the hair, old man!” she slapped him away, making a hissing noise.

“Some things never change,” he said, raising one finger to underline his words.

“Yea, I know… remember that one time when I was like 15? You helped JJ build that shed at our house and spent every free hour with us for a month or so.”

“How could I forget about that… I still got that scar from the nailgun on my foot.”

+++

_“Uncle Harvey?” Alex grinned broadly._

_“What do you want?”_

_“Can you buy us some beer?”_

_“You know I’m a Cop, right?” Harvey raised an eyebrow at her._

_“Yea, so?”_

_“You’re still a minor.”_

_“Yea, but I also was a minor last week and you bought me beer then too,” she grinned a toothy grin at him, knowing full well he wouldn’t be able to say no to her._

_\---_

_They went to the store and quickly got a sixpack for Alex and her ‘friend’ Luke who was already waiting for her outside._

_“Thank you! You’re the best!” she hugged Harvey and pressed a quick kiss on his cheek. “I’ll be home… sometime before morning…” she shouted, as she ran off._

_“Take care, Chou!” Harvey shouted after her, but she barely even heard him anymore._

_\---_

_2 Hours later, most of the beer was gone. Alex and Luke were on the back seat of his car, making out and doing some under the shirt stuff. She had recently found out she could get boys to do almost anything if she promised to let them under her shirt. When his hand went to her pants, she stopped him though. “Don’t,” she whispered._

_“Come on, don’t be like that! Tyler said you let him into your pants too!” Luke protested, his hand wandering back to her pants._

_“Well, Tyler is a big fat liar!” Alex said, slapping his hand away. She climbed out from under him and scooched away as far as the car would allow it, crossing her arms in front of her defensively._

_“Don’t be such a prude!”_

_“I’m not a prude! I’m just… not ready yet,” she protested, pressing herself against the door when he came closer again._

_“When will you be ready then?” He reached out for her and clumsily tried stroking her face._

_“I don’t know! I’ll tell you, okay?” She pushed his hand away. “Take me home.”_

_“I don’t think so!” Luke said, coming closer and putting his arm around her again. His hand wandered to her breasts as he tried kissing her once more._

_“Let…” she pushed his hand away again, “…me go!”_

_“I thought you loved me, Alex!” Luke feigned hurt._

_“Yea, I thought you loved me too…” she reached behind her back and opened the door, almost falling out of the car as it opened._

_“What are you doing?” He climbed out of the car as well, reaching for her arm._

_“Going home. Let me GO!” She broke free of his grip and angrily started walking into the darkness._

_“Fucking bitch!” he shouted, tossing an empty bottle after her._

_Alex stumbled, trying to avoid being hit. She fell over her own feet and hissed as her hands and knees scraped over the rough gravel. “Oww!”_

_Luke didn’t even hear her. He had gotten into the drivers’ seat and started the engine. “I’ll tell everyone what a fucking whore you are!” he shouted through the rolled down window as he drove past her, hitting the gas just right so the wheels sprayed a shower of gravel at her._

_“Oww! Fucking asshole!” Alex shouted, protecting her face with her arms._

_Luke had driven them to a forest track a few minutes out of town. She knew how to get home. It wasn’t even that far, still she was scared. It was late at night and she was all alone in the middle of the forest. Alex looked after the quickly fading backlights and started walking._

_\---_

_It didn’t take her long to get back into town but the closer she got to her house, the slower she walked. Her mum had always been a bit of a weirdo. What had started as an adorable kind of weird, was more and more turning into outright lunacy. According to her siblings, it was getting worse with each year that passed, ever since their father had died._

_Last time Alex had come home drunk, her mum had completely freaked out, shouted at her for almost 30 minutes and then ran off out of the house and not come back before the next afternoon. Today, Alex was bleeding on top of having drunk… she couldn’t bear the thought of having that same drama again._

_The lights in the living room were off but the TV flared brightly with some show her mum was watching. Alex tiptoed around the house, the soft grass muffling her steps. If the back door was still open, she could sneak upstairs.  
The back porch light was out, but the light in the kitchen was on and shone brightly through the window. Harvey sat in the half dark, drinking. _

_“Home already, Chou?” Harvey said, taking a deep swig of his beer._

_“Shhh…” Alex whispered. “Mum can’t see me…”_

_“Why not? She’ll be happy you’re home early.” Harvey lowered his voice as well._

_“I… “_

_“Did anything happen?” The old wooden bench creaked, as Harvey got up._

_“No… yes… I...” Despite desperately wanting to just go to bed and never come back out again, she found herself sitting down on the stairs to the porch._

_“What did that imbecile do? I’m going to kill him!” Harvey growled._

_“Nothing…” Alex whispered. Hastily she wiped away the single tear that ran down her cheek._

_Harvey sat down next to her and put his arm around her shoulder._

_She sunk down into herself now that she was home safely. “He… he… he tried to… “ She couldn’t say it. And she didn’t need to._

_“Let me get my gun…” Harvey moved to get up, reaching for the banister. He wasn’t in his prime anymore._

+++

“That was uncalled for!” Harvey interjected.

Alex shrugged. “It’s not a lie though.”

+++

_“No! He didn’t do anything…” Alex grabbed his hand, holding him back, forcing him to sit back down. This must be what it felt like to have a father, she realized._

_“I should make a necklace out of his balls for even trying…”_

_Or maybe this was even better than having a father. Alex chuckled through her tears. “You said balls.”_

_Harvey snorted. “Sometimes I forget how young you still are.”_

_“Everyone is young, compared to you,” she teased._

_“That’s no way to talk to your elders!” he scolded, tousling her hair._

_“Nooo! Don’t touch the hair!” she slapped his hand away._

+++

“See! You should know by now how I hate when you do that!” Alex said, narrowing her eyes at him.

“Of course I know you hate it.” Harvey shrugged. “That’s why I enjoy doing it.”

“It’s so unfair, how you know all my weaknesses.”

“It’s what happens when someone practically raises you.”

“Did I ever thank you for that, by the way?” Alex looked at him earnestly.

“No need to thank me. I couldn’t well leave you with your whackjob of a mother,” he shrugged.

“Well… thanks anyways… I mean…”

“Don’t you go all soft on me now.”

“I’m not going soft… I just wanted to try to be nice for a change. If you don’t like it, I can go back to being a brat,” she stuck her tongue out at him to underline her words.

“Suits you much better,” he quickly snapped a picture of her beauty and grace. “Jim is going to love that!”

“No! Don’t show him that… He can’t… He’ll never like me if you show him that.”

“Sometimes you make me wonder how someone as bright as you can be so blind at the same time…”

“Well, I’ve learned from the best.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harvey goes to comfort Phil a few months after Alex's death. They tell childhood stories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place a few months after the last chapter of The Detective and the Cleaner. Phil hasn't been doing so great and Harvey goes to comfort him.

“Phil! Open up, I saw the light in the window,” Harvey shouted, bumping his fist against the door again.

“Go away!” Phil called from inside the apartment.

“I brought booze!”

Silence, then he heard footsteps coming towards the door. It opened just a crack and Phil looked out. Harvey at least assumed it was Phil. He looked ghastly. Deep dark circles around his eyes, greasy hair, his face overgrown with weeks worth of shaggy beard. And he smelled… bad.

“What did you bring?” Phil’s voice sounded thin, unused.

Harvey lifted the bottle of Whiskey so Phil could see it in the dim candlelight. “Let me in and we can share!”

“What do you want?” Phil distrustfully said.

“Nothing, just to talk to you. No one has heard from you since… Are you okay?”

“Do I look okay?”

“Not particularly, no.”

“Then why do you bother asking? My best friend in the world died, man! I don’t get how you can just go on with your life as if nothing has happened!”

“Phil…” Harvey started. He knew how Phil felt. He probably felt much of the same. There was an Alex sized hole in his heart. Saying her name hurt, which was why he generally avoided it. Harvey, as opposed to Phil though had a purpose in life. He had filled his days with mounts and mounts of work for the past months, same as Jim, same as Bruce and Alfred. Phil had nothing but emptiness to fall back on.

Harvey almost felt bad for only thinking of him now, three months after… the funeral. They’d never been the best of friends but Alex had cared about Phil, so Harvey felt he should care too. He pushed against the door and Phil either didn’t want to hold it closed or he didn’t have the strength to do so. Phil had always been skinny, ever since Alex first introduced the two. He looked like he was nothing but bones now. The T-shirt he was wearing was full of stains and holes and looked like it would stand on its own if given the chance. The sweatpants, same as the shirt looked much too big for his gaunt frame. They were held up only by the shoelace Phil had wrapped around his hips and knotted tight. The candlelight didn’t do anything to soften his hard features. If anything, they made him look worse.

“You look like death warmed over,” Harvey couldn’t help but mutter.

Phil said nothing. He took the bottle from Harvey and scuffled towards the sofa, dropping down as if the walk to the door had exhausted him.

Harvey closed the door and followed Phil. The flat stank of stale weed and beer and unwashed human male. The combination would have made a weaker man gag. As a Cop, Harvey was sadly used to it. That didn’t mean he enjoyed it though. Harvey went to open one of the windows before he sat down next to Phil. The lone candle on the table flickered in the breeze from outside.

Phil meanwhile had unscrewed the lid and took a long, greedy swig.

“So I take it, you’re not doing great,” Harvey said.

“Wow, what gave me away, Detective? Or is it Captain these days?”

Now it was Harvey who sighed. He wasn’t the best at dealing with feelings, let alone those of another man. Women were easy. If this was Alex sitting next to him, he’d hug her, tell her things would be okay again. This wasn’t Alex though. Harvey didn’t know what to do with Phil. He leaned back and watched the younger man drink, and took the bottle when he offered it.

“You know Alex’s father died when she was a child, yes?” Harvey said, taking a sip.

Phil nodded with a look on his face that said “what do you want to tell me by saying that?”

“You want to know what she did when she found out?”

Phil shrugged. “Sure, TV’s out, this is the next best thing, I guess…”

_It was the 25 th of November. Winter had started early that year and we were out on patrol, John Brooks and I. It was about an hour before the end of a 24 hour shift. Both of us pumped full of caffeine to stay awake in the gloomy city. Five in the morning. Cold. _

_We get called to a gas station robbery. Nothing out of the ordinary. This is Gotham. Gas stations get robbed all the time._

_We were close by and when we arrived there, the robbery was still in full swing. John got out before I could even fully stop the car and ran straight inside, not looking left or right. It was against protocol and he knew it, but he didn’t care._

_When I saw the car at the first pump I realized why he was breaching protocol. It was the same make as their family car and there was a baby seat in the back. It took me five seconds to catch up with him. Five seconds too long._

_Footage from the security cam later showed the robber getting startled by his arrival. He freaked out, started shooting at everything that moved. Me taking a moment longer to assess the situation probably saved my life. But it cost John his. I should have been there to back him up. And I wasn’t._

_The robber hit both the Clerk and John before I even made it inside. John was a great shot. He managed to hit the guy between the eyes while going down himself._

“Wow, I didn’t think you’d go afield quite that far,” Phil interrupted.

“You said it yourself, TV’s out, so this is the next best thing. Do you want to hear the story or not?” Harvey couldn’t entirely hide the annoyance in his voice.

“Sure, sure, I’m sorry!” Phil waved at him apologetically and took another deep drag from the bottle before leaning back.

_The mother and child in the gas station had hidden in the grocery aisles. They made it, scared to death but unhurt. John had saved them. He died a hero, but die he did._

_John was a husband and a father of six children, five of them under the age of eighteen. And he died because I was too slow to back him up. It should have been me dying that day. I was a bachelor, a heavy drinker even back then, nobody would have missed me._

_Telling his wife and the kids was the worst day of my life. Alex was only four. She’d never get to know her father growing up. She was so little, she didn’t even understand what was happening. Her mother and her siblings did._

_John dying broke something in Maren. She started getting bad from that day on. Unable to take care of herself, let alone her kids. JJ, Alex’s oldest brother postponed going to college to help his family pay the bills. Karen, the second oldest, had to take care of the younger kids and their mother on top of that. For those two, their childhood was over on that day. And for the other four, their childhood would forever be tainted._

_All because I wasn’t quick enough to assess the situation._

_I had been with them a lot before John’s death and I went there even more often after that. I spent every moment of my free time with them, trying to help them with money and giving the kids the father they lost because of me._

“You know it wasn’t your fault though, right?” Phil interjected.

“I know now, but at that time I wasn’t ready to believe that. As far as I was concerned, I might as well have shot John myself.”

“Just making sure…” Phil muttered.

_I had to decide between working long hours so I could send them money and being a surrogate father so I could give them love. I had to decide for money. Bills had been piling even with John alive and they weren’t going anywhere now._

_I’m not proud to admit this, but I didn’t take very good care of Alex in that first year after John’s death. The older kids needed a father more than she did, so I split up my time between them. Alex was living in her own happy world, as little kids tend to do… as she continued to do far into her adult years._

_It was almost a year later when I realized she was getting more and more quiet and withdrawn. My happy little girl was acting sadder each time I drove out there. I knew Maren wasn’t treating the kids very well. She was much too occupied with herself. Karen assured me she was looking after the young ones though._

_I should have made sure. Karen was practically a kid herself._

_On the day of his death, a year later, I drove out there again to be with them._

_The Brooks house was uncharacteristically quiet that day. Well, not quiet exactly, but filled with sobs and sadness from the minute I entered._

_Alex was in the living room, all by herself, playing with the dog. She was still in her pajamas. No one had bothered to dress her despite it being past noon already._

_“Uncle Harvey!” Alex said, getting up from the ground and walking towards me on her short little legs. She seemed upset. “Everyone is crying! Why are they crying?” I picked her up, settling her on my arms. “Nobody is talking today… why are they crying, Uncle Harvey?”_

_I sat down on the sofa with her on my lap, like we used to do for story time. I didn’t know what to tell her. She was so young… how do you tell a little girl her family is sad because it’s been a year to the day since her father has died?_

_“When is Daddy coming home?” she said, playing with my beard. “He will make Mummy stop crying!”_

_“Daddy isn’t going to come home, Chou,” I said._

_“Why not?”_

_“Do you remember when Orange Juice went to dog Heaven in summer?”_

“They named their dog Orange Juice?” Phil interrupted.

“They let the kids choose the dogs’ names. The other one was Mister Whiskers. Don’t ask…”

_Alex nodded wistfully. “He was very old!”_

_“Yes, he was, you’re right!” I took her hands out of my beard, making sure she wasn’t distracted before I continued. I needed her to understand this the first time I said it. I’m not sure if I could have borne saying this twice. “Your Daddy went to heaven too.”_

_She stopped fussing and stared up at me. “But Daddy wasn’t old!”_

_“No, he wasn’t. But you know your Daddy was a Policeman.”_

_“Yes! Protecting good people from bad guys! Pew pew!” she made shooting motions towards Mister Whiskers on the floor. He lazily opened one eye and looked at her, yawning._

_I caught her hands again so she would listen. “One of the bad guys hurt your Daddy.”_

_She tensed. “Is Daddy okay?”_

_“He isn’t, Chou. He went to Heaven.”_

_“Can we go see him?”_

_I shook my head._

_She didn’t say anything for a few minutes and slowly sat down next to the dog again, playing with his tail. I was starting to worry she hadn’t understood when she turned around and came back to me._

_“Why did the bad guy hurt Daddy?”_

_“Because he didn’t like your Dad stopping him from being a bad guy.”_

_“I hate bad guys!” she said, angrily kicking the sofa with her tiny foot._

_“Me too, Darling, me too.”_

_“Can I help you catch them?” She climbed up on the sofa again, hugging me like she always did when she wanted something from me._

_“When you’re older…”_

_“But if Daddy can’t help you anymore...”_

_“I have other Policemen helping me, Chou. Don’t worry.”_

_She sighed deeply, becoming quiet again, taking her time to process what she’d just learned. I let her think things through, gave her the time she needed. Her tummy rumbling loudly made her squirm again. “Can you make me breakfast, Uncle Harvey?”_

_“Didn’t anyone feed you yet?”_

_Alex shook her head. “No one has been downstairs. I’m not allowed to go downstairs alone. Karen said it’s dangerous, but I am a big girl! I can be here all by myself! And Mister Whiskers protects me, right, Mister?” She jumped down from the sofa and ran towards the St Bernard, hugging him. She was probably right. That dog had always had a soft spot for Alex. He would snarl at any stranger getting too close to her. He would protect her till his death._

_We had breakfast on the kitchen floor, Alex sharing her cereal with Mister Whiskers. Probably one of the reasons he liked her so much, now that I think of it._

_She was almost done with her cereal when she hesitated and looked up at me with big eyes. “Are you going to die too, Uncle Harvey?”_

_“Not for a while, Chou. Don’t worry,” I tried diverting her thoughts._

_“Am I going to die?” She spooned more cereal into her mouth while waiting for me to answer._

_“Not until you’re very very old,” I promised. And look how I failed her in that department as well._

“It’s not your fault, man!” Phil said, weakly slapping Harvey’s shoulder. “If anything, it was Gordon’s fucking fault for letting her come with him. Man, if he wasn’t that much stronger than me, I’d punch him in his fucking beautiful face!”

“Jim couldn’t have known that would happen. He’s feeling bad enough without you putting the blame on him as well, do you understand me? If anyone’s to blame, it’s the guy who shot her. Nobody else.” Harvey had been mad at Jim as well in the very beginning, but these were difficult times. People died.

“Sometimes I really hate the guy, you know…” Phil grumbled, “with his stupid perfect hair and his idiotic sexy ass…”

“He isn’t the bad guy in this story!”

“He is in my story!”

“He is doing the best that he can… as we all are, Phil! Everyone but you! We could use your help out there! We need every helping hand! Instead you’re in here, letting it all go to waste. When was the last time you were sober?”

“Don’t talk to me about being sober!”

“I mean it, Phil! When was it?”

“Are we talking alcohol or….” Phil reluctantly gave in.

“Everything.”

“I don’t remember… a few months ago, probably. Don’t judge! It’s how I deal with things!”

“Well, it’s a bad way to deal, if you ask me!”

“You’re the biggest fucking drunkard I know! Don’t fucking judge!” Phil’s voice got louder.

“I’m out there working day and night. Doesn’t matter if I’m a drunkard.”

“Well…” Phil said, but could come up with nothing sensible to say. “You haven’t even told me yet what Alex did! And I feel like you’ve been talking for hours,” he said instead, making it sound like it was Harvey’s mistake he had interrupted him.

“Do you want to hear the story or do you want to continue being a brat?”

Phil rolled his eyes. “Please tell me the story, alright?”

_I drove home that evening. Had to work the morning shift the next day. Karen called me ten minutes into my shift. She was crying so hard I could barely understand what she was saying. It took me a full ten minutes to get a clear word out of her. And then it took me another hour and a half to get to their house. Alex had vanished, along with Mister Whiskers._

_Nobody knew where to find them. The house was chaos, everyone running around nervously, uncoordinated like their whole family life had become with no one to keep them organized._

_They had called the local police department and a search party was combing through the woods._

_“Where’s my little girl?” Maren kept on crying to everyone who cared to listen. Of course Alex was her little girl now, when she hadn’t even bothered to feed her just a day earlier._

_I got so angry at them for not taking better care of her, for not looking after her. They had suffered a terrible thing but that didn’t mean they didn’t have to take care of their youngest family member!_

_I checked her bedroom and the family wardrobe. Alex had learned to tie her shoes a week earlier and had been awfully proud of it, putting her pink light up shoes on and off like a big girl about a hundred times, which was why I noticed they were gone. Her backpack and Mister Whiskers were gone too. Her jacket was on its hook._

_It was late November and she was outside without her jacket. I grabbed it and got into my car. I’m not sure if anyone even noticed I’d been there and gone again._

_It took me a full four hours driving through the foggy town until I found her. She was at the local bus terminal. With buses coming and going I barely even noticed her at first. But the small crowd at the edge of the outside waiting area caught my eye. Getting out of the car, it was so cold, my breath condensed before my mouth._

_I walked up to the crowd, badge out, ready to tell them to disperse, when I heard her cry. Mister Whiskers’ growling almost drowned out her sobs. He was on edge; wouldn’t let any of the strangers get close to her, snarling and barking, hackles raised, teeth bared._

_I made my way through the crowd. People tried to stop me, to warn me of the dangerous dog, but Mister Whiskers started wagging his tail and licking Alex’s face so she would look up._

_“Uncle Harvey!” she cried out, taking a slow step towards me._

_“What are you doing here, Chou?” I picked her up from the ground, hugging her to me, trying to wrap my jacket around her small body. She was so cold, whole body shivering. I could feel her icy fingers through my clothes. I had to get her somewhere warm._

_The crowd opened up before us thanks to Mister Whiskers. He walked so close by me, I kept stumbling over him. He was clearly worried about her too._

_“I wanted to come see you!” Alex sniffled, huddling against me. “But I got lost…”_

_“Why?”_

_“There are so many buses,” she said, looking around._

_“Why did you want to come see me?”_

_“To help you catch the bad guys!”_

_I kissed her head and squeezed her closer. “You’re too little for that, Chou!”_

_“I’m not little! I made it here all by myself! No one noticed I left!”_

_“They did notice, Alex. Everyone was very worried!”_

_“But… they never notice me,” she said, her voice becoming softer. “Nobody ever does.”_

_“What makes you think that?” I unlocked the car and opened the passenger side door for the dog before getting into the drivers’ seat with her. I turned on the ignition and set the heating to max._

_“Nobody loves me,” she whispered, her voice almost drowned out by the noise of the fan._

_I kissed her head again. “They all love you, Darling. They’re just very sad your Dad died.”_

_“I’m sad too! But Martha said to,” she whispered the next two words, “shut up when I was crying last night…”_

_“She didn’t mean that, Chou.”_

_“She hit me when I didn’t stop crying! But I was so sad, Uncle Harvey! Because Daddy was hurt!”_

_“Of course you’re sad.” I held her tighter. I would have to talk to Martha. Losing their father had been hard on the kids. Each was dealing in their own way but she couldn’t hit her little sister._

_“Everyone in preschool has a Daddy and I don’t.” She hugged me tight and I felt tears soak into my shirt._

_“But you have me! None of the other kids has an Uncle Harvey, right?” I said, trying to make her feel better._

_“I don’t think so,” she said thoughtfully, wiping her nose on the back of her hand._

_“See! So you actually have it better than them.” I handed her a crumpled up tissue from my pocket._

_She blew her nose._

_“Let’s get you home, Chou.” I reached around her to start the car._

_“I don’t want to go home, Uncle Harvey,” she whispered, “I don’t like it there.”_

_“Why not?”_

_“Martha is mean … and Karen too. They always scream at each other and mummy never comes out of her room. No one ever plays with me.” She paused to sniff back her snot. “Mister Whiskers is the only one who likes me.”_

_I didn’t know what to say to her to make her feel better. A girl her age shouldn’t even be having those thoughts. Her head should be filled with joy and laughter, not sadness._

_“I want to help you catch the bad guys, Uncle Harvey, please,” she whispered, snuggling deeper into my jacket._

_Can you imagine how that felt? My little girl telling me she thinks only the dog likes her, trying to run away from home to help me catch the bad guys instead. She was strong, even while she was that little. Always wanted to help wherever she could…_

“Whoa… she never told me that’s how she felt growing up. I thought having a mother and a couple of siblings meant having someone take care of you.”

“What do you think is the reason she never visits them? Her family broke the moment John died. Her mother was a wreck. Couldn’t love anyone, not even herself. She was nothing but a burden on her kids until she died last year.”

“Do you think it was true? What Alex said I mean…”

“They say kids don’t lie,” Harvey shrugged.

“Why didn’t you try to get custody?”

“I did, but a single man, not related by blood doesn’t get custody of a little girl. They said as long as she doesn’t show any signs of physical abuse they couldn’t do a thing.”

“So what did you do?”

“Took care of her as best I could, made sure to give her all the love and attention she deserved.”

“That’s why she was so hung up about you, huh?”

“John told me to look out for her when he died… To look out for his whole family, but he mentioned her especially. So that’s what I was trying to do,” Harvey shrugged.

“She probably wouldn’t be sitting here, crying, if it was me who’d died…” Phil muttered more to himself than to Harvey.

“Probably not, no,” Harvey answered nonetheless.

“So what happened after?” Phil wanted to know. He clearly enjoyed hearing about Alex.

“I brought her home, packed a bag and took her with me for a week. I couldn’t take the whole week off but knowing who she was, the Captain told me to bring her to the Precinct while I was working. Everyone loved her. She was the joy of the whole police force. Wanted to be a Cop herself, when she grew up.”

“Why didn’t she?”

“Teenagers do stupid things, especially when their family is fucked up… as you might well know, considering your record…”

“You checked my record?”

“Of course I did! I couldn’t let her move in with a complete stranger without checking his record!”

“Hm… fair point,” Phil muttered. “So how did she fuck up?”

“Set a house on fire…”

“She did what?” Phil’s eyebrows rose till they almost met his hairline.

“Her first boyfriend wanted to go farther than she was ready for and started rumors about her in school when she refused. She got revenge by setting his house on fire. Destroyed every chance of a police career she ever had.”

“She kinda has… fuck, had a problem with impulse control,” Phil said, nodding slowly.

“She had that from her mother,” Harvey said. Phil seemed to slowly lighten up, so Harvey continued talking.

“That week she was with me, I found her standing by the cells one day, talking to some of the inmates, trying to impress them with how smart she was,” Harvey had to smile at the thought. “Told them how she could count to 20 but kept forgetting numbers and kept starting over when her count didn’t match up with her fingers. She was so confident she wouldn’t let anyone help her, just started over and over until everyone was watching her, laughing tears. She was so proud for everyone watching her, she went on counting louder and louder each time she started… almost shutting down the whole precinct for half an hour.”

Phil chuckled. “Sounds like her.”

“She managed to do it right in the end though! Everyone applauded. She seemed so happy. But no amount of happiness could protect her from what was happening at home.”

“Yea, I mean… they messed her up pretty bad… but in an adorable way,” Phil said with feeling. “And she had THE WORST taste in men, which kinda makes sense now that I think about it, with you being her main male example,” he teased.

“Now don’t get cocky with me!” Harvey raised an eyebrow at him.

He had never felt as protective towards Phil as he had towards Alex, but he knew he hadn’t had the easiest childhood either. The sensitive part in him was glad Phil was laughing again. It would make Alex happy as well.

Living in their shared apartment certainly didn’t make moving on any easier. Alex’s stuff was everywhere still. Her bedroom probably still smelled of her.

“So… in remembrance of Alex and all, I guess I should go help you guys? I mean… not that I will make much of a difference, I’m weak as fuck, but,” he shrugged, “she’d probably enjoy seeing me struggle, so it’s kind of a win for everyone, right?”

Harvey nodded. Getting outside, going among people would do him good, even if all he did was count stuff. He could always go back to drinking himself to death tomorrow…


End file.
